How to Manage a Care Home

It is very difficult in this day and age to manage a care home effectively. As such I am going to explain concisely using an example at work a good way of developing the relations of the NHS staff around you in the best interest of the people in your home.

Start by calling a doctor for your sick resident. I know its a chore but trully it is for the best. When the doctor decides the patient is ill and requires an urgent ambulance be sure to thank the doctor for his time and professionalism and see him to the door.

When the ambulance arrives make sure you are too busy to speak to them. Also ensure the other care staff in the home have no idea of whats going on. There is no need to pass any information to the ambulance staff. They are members of a jedi clan after all!

When the staff tell the ambulance crew the patient looks much worse than when the doctor came be sure to burst in and interrupt and generally make it confusing to get an answer out of the patient. Complain loudly about how the doctor has already seen the patient and an ambulance should just be there to take them to hospital.

Complain more when the ambulance staff want to do a few checks before loading up. If you have prepared properly now is the time to send in the family to further get in the way of the ambulance staff. After all they are wasting time and this will no doubt hurry them up. Be sure when they have loaded the patient to make a point of getting in your own car and following them to the hospital.

Don't forget complain some more about how inconveniant a time the ambulance has arrived. Right when some other people in the care home require feeding. It is a free NHS provided taxi service after all. They should arrive in 15 minute pre booked slots surely? At very least with a bit of complaining they might come back in half an hour when you have fed other patients. Don't worry about the patient. The doctor saw them 4 hours ago so they will be fine. Doctors are in fact able to cheat death you know.

Don't forget to look flustered and amazed when your patient is wheeled straight into the resus room at hospital because they are going into severe shock. How could you have known that they were getting worse? You can't possibly be expected to LISTEN to the staff in your care home when they express concern somebody is getting much worse very quickly. Those ambulance types are probably being amateurs about it, after all the DOCTOR saw them earlier so they surely can't be that bad. Remember before about cheating death?

Don't forget after all this go home and sleep soundly in bed with your collection of chocolate cake and teddys to fill the void in your life because you are single and fat. In fact don't forget to complain some more to your mirror about the other people in the world. How can you be expected to care after people in a care home. Note it must be a mirror because nobody with a soul could stand spending more than 2 minutes in your presence you self centered, arrogant excuse for a human being.

Don't worry when you die you'll be going somewhere warm. With any luck you'll be able to go there before too many more of your residents leave the home permanently.